Bittersweet Moments

Reflecting on our work with Westmont’s first-generation students, we are grateful for our relationship with the student-led First-Gen Club. This partnership has been instrumental in helping us enhance our efforts to celebrate and encourage our first-generation college students. Together, we’ve hosted an orientation for first-generation students and their guests, a luncheon for National First-Generation College Student Celebration Day, and a year-end dinner to honor our graduating seniors. The relationships we have formed with our first-generation college students have given us a valuable perspective on the experiences of our students. One such student is First-Gen Club president Kimberly (Kim) Quezada Carrillo. We’re grateful for Kim’s willingness to share her personal journey with us and others through this post.

Kim writes:

Being a first-generation student is bittersweet. It’s always a blend of emotions, and you never have the right words to describe your feelings. There’s always a sense of excitement but fear too. We desire to experience college but don’t know what lies ahead. It can feel isolating because you don’t want to disappoint your family or simply don’t know what you are getting into.

At the beginning of my academic journey, I never vocalized what I was experiencing. I had a deep fear that if I told people I was struggling, they would question my capability to excel. I stayed quiet because I didn’t want to disappoint anyone. I was struggling, but I didn’t show it.

Eventually, I started to talk about what it meant to be first-generation. The people that I opened up to learned to appreciate my story and validated my experience. There is a deep desire to accomplish a bachelor’s degree, but it extends beyond the actual degree. It’s my parent’s sacrifice that is involved, it’s their American dream and the weight of making our families proud. It’s so much more than a career. It’s bigger than me, and this can carry a lot of weight.

In an institution where you are a minority, it can be hard to vocalize your experience. Within a year of my schooling, I realized how important it was to share my experience. There seem to never be enough words to describe this unique experience. After thinking about this for a very long time, I feel that being first-generation is essentially going through a dark forest. When you look forward you see darkness, but when you look back you are leaving a trail. Along this dark forest are pockets of light, which help you navigate the darkness. These pockets of light can be professors, mentors, and family. They are the ones who help us when it feels like our forest is getting too dark to navigate. The beauty of this forest is as more generations walk through it then the trail gets more defined and you can actually see through the forest.

When I experience my graduation ceremony, there will be a strong sense of pride but also some sadness. I have worked hard to reach this moment and it should be celebrated because a lot of time and energy went into it. I’ll have to learn how to soak in the accomplishment because it was hard, but it will be bittersweet.

Everything is bittersweet. We need to learn to appreciate every emotion that is associated with being first-generation because one day we will miss it. I’m at the end of my undergraduate journey, and I’m already starting to miss my involvement with my community. 

Let yourself feel. Enjoy all the bittersweet moments and never forget who you are and why you are doing what you want to do.

We look forward to our continued partnership with the First-Gen Student Club as we strengthen first-generation college student initiatives here at Westmont.